The row of seats ...

Here in Logan, Utah we celebrate the the fourth of July ... on the third of July. 

Well, we have our huge firework show on the third and still do everything else on the fourth. So, it's like we celebrate for 48 hours straight, party time, chumps!

Today wasn't particularly stressful. Yet, at one point, as we prepared for the day's festivities, I broke down and cried.

I cried because there isn't anything in this world I wouldn't give to have tonight be EXACTLY like it was last third of July ... Where we sat in a Church parking lot with the fire alarms going off, eating Little Caesar's pizza and watching the fireworks from afar. 

I sat in a camping chair with my older sister and nephews by my side. And Steve too. We laughed as the fire alarm was distracting us from the fireworks and at the scene that played out with fire trucks and firemen. 

It was not an ideal situation at all, but it was just so good. And now, looking back, it was great. Because all five of us were there together and the other five not present, were safe and sound elsewhere on this earth. 

I cried because even though it was a nutty experience in celebrating the fourth, I'd give anything for that EXACT same experience today and every third of July for the rest of my life. I'd give ANYTHING to glance down a row of seats and see my Shtev. 

I wasn't able to do that today. And I'll never be able to do it again in this life. But I was able to glance down that row and see his wife and two sons smiling. And if I can't have Steve here with us, I'll take those smiles until he can be.

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