Blank Pages. Blank Stares.

I am currently sitting on the couch, alone in my apartment with minimal autoimmune failure symptoms.

That might make you feel badly for me, but it shouldn't.

Because I am also sitting on the couch, alone in my apartment with minimal autoimmune failure symptoms while waiting for a chocolate peanut butter shake from Morty's.

That should probably make you feel jealous of me. ;)

It's blaringly obvious {is blaringly a word?} that I have had difficultly writing since Shtev passed away. 

I am not quite sure why that is.

Part of me thinks that is is because every time I sit down and come to my little space on the world wide web, I just want to talk about him. Part of me thinks it is because ... everything else is honestly so, trivial compared what happened to my sister, my nephews, my mom and dad, my brother and sister-in-law, my sister, myself, Steve's family, and everyone who knew and loved him on that dark, dark September morning. 

I know Steve wouldn't want this for me. I know he would want me to write. And write about the trivial things. And accidentally offend people in the process. ;) 

Yet it's just so hard.

I sometimes open up a blank post and just ... stare.

Other times I open one up and I start typing, about my Shtev. About my loss.

I don't know exactly how to move forward in this little spot of the world wide web anymore. But I do know that somehow I will because that is what Steve would want.

And while what I am writing today isn't "moving forward", maybe it is breath closer to doing so. And that is the best I can do for now.


Maybe YOU should tell me what to write about. That might make things better. Just a thought. :)


Marinda said...

I'm just glad to see you writing. The words will come, you just have to keep giving them a chance.

I heard a quote yesterday that I thought you might like:

"I walk down memory lane because I love running into you."

Summer said...

The worst part about a life-changing event is how the world just keeps turning and somehow you have to keep up. Everyone around you is the same and you are changed forever.

Maybe you could talk about getting ready for Spring. I am so looking forward to all the things that spring and summer bring...

Mindy said...

Thank you for the thoughtful quote, Marinda. :)

Mindy said...

It's true. It baffles my mind it just keeps going. :( Why didn't it stop when our world did? Thank you for the suggestion!

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