Table for seven

For 12 years, our family has been a family of 10.

No additions through marriages or babies born.

Through thick and thin for over a decade, it's just us. The lack of babies and marriages during such a long span has been a great cause of heartbreak, for all of us. Yet, I think it made for a divine relationship between us 10. Small, intimate leaving it as we are all we have had to rely on for those 12 years.

After leaving the hospital a month ago from today, we knew we needed to find some food for the boys before making the 1.5 hour drive home. Plus, none of us really wanted to go home without our Steven. 

I was the first to walk into the restaurant. I felt like I was just a body in a building, perhaps even an onlooker to my own existence, uncertain why I was there and a complete lack of feeling.

After a moment, the hostess asked how many in our party.

My mind raced. I knew what that number was. If our entire family was present, it was 10. If Brandon & Hillary weren't in town {or we weren't visiting them} it was eight. Eight and 10. Eight and 10. 

The tears began to stream uncontrollably as I somehow had to muster out the word seven


A number that used to be my "favorite", but now the harshest and cruelest number I know, that and nine. They will be numbers we have to say over and over again, as if the world wants to say we are one less. But we know that isn't true, we know that we are still 10 and will forever be 10, even if that one can't be seen or isn't here-here for now. And I am eternally grateful for that knowledge that we are 10 and one day, if restaurants in heaven exist, I will be able tell that angel hostess that we need a table for that 10. One day. :)

1 comment:

Shan said...

Won't heaven be awesome?

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