3.11.2014

Oh, the horror ... of dating!


Hi, friends.

I did a little guest post with the Life of Bon last week {fortunately I had written the post before I was hospitalized}. She suggested I write something that stood out.

I was in a stupor of thought for a bit. I mean, what could I write about that would be good enough for the infamous Life of Bon?! And then it hit me.

I could share with the world my grand idea for a book.

It would be titled, "I could be married if I wanted to be ... to a PSYCHO". And then each chapter would be dedicated to a psycho.

And here is a little taste of how that book would go down ...

Psycho One

This chapter would be about psycho one who took me on several dates. And guys, I just wasn't feeling it. His core beliefs and mine just didn't jive, and he would stand on my doorstep for two hours while I had the door partially open {trying to hint the night was over}. While those minor things did not get him into psycho level, he got there anyway. We had a very civil conversation about how I just wasn't feeling it but we could still be friends. Not even 24 hours after we had the "just friends" talk he called me up and asked me to dinner. I asked him where I could meet him. He said he would pick me up. I said, "Were you planning on paying for my dinner as well?" When he said he was, I told him, "I thought we established less than 24 hours ago we were just going to be friends?"

His response?

"YOU established that."

Unfortunately, he didn't understand relationships don't need a majority rule.

Psycho Two

He challenged me to a meatball rolling competition at Olive Garden. Need I say more?

Psycho Three

Man: Would you like to meet up for lunch tomorrow?

Mindy: Will your wife be joining us?

Man: No, I was hoping it would just be the two of us

::crickets chirping::

Psycho Four

This one is graphic. Read at your own risk.

This man worked at a beef packaging plant. I am okay with unique forms of employment. The problem I had with him was the same boots he would wear to hose down the blood off the walls, he would wear to Church ... and on our dates.

Guys, I can get past socks and sandals. I can. But I cannot get past bloody boots. Literally, I am not even try to be offensively British here. They.literally.were.bloody.

Plus, he didn't believe in cars. Or Walmart. In two feet of snow and a bloody blizzard in Logan, Utah {that one I was trying to be offensively British}, he would ride his bike. 

And refusing to EVER go into Walmart? I go there like three times in one day. This union clearly would not work.

Psycho Five

I went on about four or five dates before Psycho Five turned into a psycho. Although, there were definitely red flags such as trying to and eventually successfully tricking me into meeting his family within the first two weeks of knowing him and then wanting to joke to them that we were in engaged. But that isn't what gave him his title.

No, no. That came when he was talking about making his wife sign a FAT CONTRACT. Yes, you read that right. He was going to have his future wife sign a contract with her promising she would not get fat. Appalled I said, "So, if we got married, and I gave birth to five of your babies and I gained five pounds after all of that, you would find me less attractive?"

His answer?

"Absolutely."

Psycho Six

The man who did my genealogy work and shows up to my deceased relatives viewings and funerals to find me. No.lie.

So, yeah ...

Do you think that book will work? 

Better yet, what dating horror story{ies} could you add? Feel free to head over to Life with Bon and link up your dating horror stories to join the fun!

P.S. Forgive me for no photos.

And, an update of my hospital visit is coming, I swear!


11 comments:

Heather Leigh @ Like a Morning cup of coffee said...

ahhhh! What creepers. Thankfully I only met very few before meeting my hubsters.

I'm surprised that one guy didn't like walmart considering he sounds like someone who would be one of those creepers at walmart lol

Avree said...

Hahaha oh thank you I needed that today!

I didn't date anyone that was especially psycho but on a first date once a guy asked me (after finding out I had done better than him on our chemistry test) what was the point of me going to college if I was just going to stay home and raise babies. We didn't go on anymore dates.

Allison and Josh said...

I love this! haha! It's so funny but so sad that there are so many "psychos" out there...haha. Made me think of some of the gems I went on dates with - like when I was 19 and in college and my date asked me what classes I was taking, and when I said Math 1010, he said "Seriously? I took Math 1010 in high school." Or the guy that told me he used to have front teeth like mine until he got them shaved down at the dentist! oh the joys!

Sandra Pacyna said...

very nice blog:)

http://sandrainvogue.blogspot.com/

follow?

Missy W. said...

Groan. I went on a few dates with an attractive young man who was the same height as me. It didn't bother me a bit. What bothered me was how uncomfortable he was about it. To the point that he refused to walk by me..instead walking in front or behind...

Katie Elizabeth Hawkes said...

Woowwwww. I certainly hope none of them read your blog and decide to come back for round 2. You've got some winners, here!

Teresa Cox said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Teresa Cox said...

haha Ohh man. The guy I dated before my husband was definitely a winner. He told me and his family that he had a heart condition and MS to keep us feeling sorry for him. Eventually I found out none of it was true and when we were around his family I told them all. He was pissed. I don't think any of them talk to him anymore either. Anywho. I broke up with him soon after that. It was a pretty volatile relationship but my dad had passed away right when I met him so I clung to the guy during my grief. So glad I got wise when I did!

I also had a guy (years before the previous) that my parents set me up with (bad bad idea...) who was a son of a friend. He took me to an arcade, beat me in everything, teased me, and then took me to hang out in his friends house which turned out to be a shed so they could smoke. FUN TIMES.

The Girl who Loved to Write said...

These are real?! Please write a book.

The Suzzzz said...

If I weren't in the same dating pool and experiencing very similar dating "challenges" myself, I would never believe you. Sadly I have my own list of psychos...although they usually all manifest their weirdness on or before the first date so I can nip it in the bud.

Meg said...

I haven't thought about any such stories in quite a while. There was the guy whose goal was to date every girl in the ward (I didn't know that until after we'd broken up). Same guy broke up with me, then sent me an email asking what happened to us. I never responded.

Then there's the one who wouldn't take no for an answer. I moved away, thought it was over. Meanwhile he had moved back to his parents' house (in a different city) and didn't have a job. When I moved back to Logan he did too. He said it was a coincidence. I had a hard time believing that. I moved away again -- only to have him call and propose.

Those are probably the craziest, at least the craziest ones I can think of right now.

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