12.27.2013

They want you to die, don't they?


I don't know who the allusive "they" are ... but I am sure the people who invented Christmas shopping want ALL.THE.PEOPLE.TO.DIE.

Sure, I waited until December 17th to start my Christmas shopping, but that is beside the point. On that day, after two {maybe three} hours of Christmas shopping, I walked away with one gift.


The following day I braved the masses again for another two hours and walked away with one more present. Great, I thought, at this rate I will have my Christmas shopping finished by the 25th ... of January.

Maybe if I didn't wait so long to start my shopping, I wouldn't feel death was imminent from the daunting task. But {!!!} don't "they" know some people work full time jobs and are going to grad school? PLUS, I had thought about shopping earlier, but I had no idea what to get all the people on my list. Somehow, my mind can only come up with gift ideas five days before Christmas, which is actually saying something since last year I started my Christmas shopping on cough cough December 23 cough cough. 

While Christmas shopping this year {which I actually did finish on the 23rd}, I had several thoughts.

+ I contact my older sister in all Christmas shopping crisis situations. "Where can I find cute wrapping paper if Hobby Lobby is out?" "I cannot find the string! Where is the string!?" "Why is the scrapbooking section so large?" "Where can I find those little thingies that make an object 3D on a paper instead of flat?"  Her average response time: less than two minutes. I think this is why she was born before me. Can the world imagine what would have happened had I been the older sister? CHAOS.

+ I just wanted chevron paper. I loathe, loathe when I envision something in my head and then cannot find the tangible product. I think I went to five or six stores looking for it. Buuuut ...


 I finally found it. Even if I never did find the polka dot paper I wanted.

+ I finally got desperate at Walmart. I was carrying so many things in my hands that I had to find a shopping cart, I had to. But going back to the front of the store was inconceivable! Inconceivable, I say! I began looking frantically for an abandoned cart somewhere down some aisle and when that wasn't looking too hot for me, I considered stealing one from another shopper! Look what Christmas shopping does to you!

+ I never wanted to see 14-year-old love. But I especially don't want to see it while Christmas shopping. That pushes me in the general direction of "the edge".

+ And then Christmas music pushes me to said edge.

+ And Christmas music sung by Rod Stewart pushes me over that edge.

+ And once you are in a downward spiral from being pushed off that edge? You hide in a dressing room, rock back and forth and suddenly you will muster up the courage to make it through 30 more minutes of that horrific experience. And then you can return to a dressing room for more hiding once those 30 minutes have elapsed. 

And that, folks, is how well Christmas shopping goes for me. 

 How well does it go for you? ;)

4 comments:

Cody Doll said...

Im one of those people that buys everything in July so pretty much I don't get to experience Christmas shopping. Funny thoughts though.

Rhonda said...

Ugh, I feel ya. Try all that, plus 3 kids and LA traffic...panic attack!!! Let's just say Amazon.com was my best friend this year, because I wasnt brave enough to go in a single store!

Niki said...

I try not to go to Wal Mart on any normal day, let alone around the holidays. We HAD to go there on CHRISTMAS EVE and it was the worst ten minutes of my holiday. That's what I get for being such a procrastinator. Maybe next year we can all start a little earlier :) Also, chevron wrapping paper=adorable.

daniela said...

Ew. 14 year old love. Try having 2 junior high kids camped in front of your house sucking face. Even me "getting the mail" ... "locking the car" so the horn honks ... and "taking out the trash" didn't get them to leave. Total nast!

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