6.20.2013

Here an offensive statement. There and offensive statement. Everywhere an offensive statement.


Oops.

I did it again.

I played with your heart.

I offended someone.

And there you thought I was going all Britney Spears loco on you! :)

Let's clear something up this very moment. My intent is never to offend.

Never.

However, sometimes my intent is to ruffle some feathers.

So sue me. ;)

Sometimes in the process of ruffling feathers, I offend. Then I feel slightly bad and say to myself, "Mindy, your sassiness is going to be the death of you one of these days."

Or at least the death of several Facebook "friendships".  ;)

HOWEVER! This most recent offensiveship was not even to ruffle feathers. 

A friend had posted this little "gem" on Facebook.


Something about it just didn't sit with me right, so I pondered it for a moment and then left the comment, "Ohh, I don't know if I agree with it. Strong people are single and not so strong people are single. Strong people are married and not so strong people are married. And I do think single people depend on other people, just in a different capacity."

Enter absolute craziness.

Here I was, thinking I was just standing up for all those strong married people I know ...

Like the husband and wife who waited for six years to have a baby. I have an idea of the kind of doubt that could creep in, the possible feelings of inadequacy, the heart break of seeing others having their hearts desires, yet them lacking it.

Like the husband and wife who are still waiting for a child to enter the home, when the reality is, their walls may never be blessed with a child's cry.

Like the mother who lost her baby girl the day before Mother's Day.

Like the family who are struggling with their son who has an intellectual disability and a mood disorder. Their lives will never be "normal". A trip to the grocery store can be an event like most will never witness in their lives.

Like the family who unjustly got looked over for the husband's dream job to a candidate with significantly less experience.

Like the girl who moved to a foreign country to be with her husband, but in the process left everything and everyone she had ever known behind. 

But apparently, alluding to strength coming in many different forms, I was being ... OH-FENCE-IVE.

And you know what? I just don't care.

I get tired of "uplifting" quotes that come in the form of demeaning or belittling others or the challenges they face.

The fact is this: sometimes life is just hard. And who is to say my hard is more hard that anyone else's hard?

My brother is married, something I am not. But  his legs don't work and mine do. Is my life harder than his because I am not married? I would never in my lifetime or beyond it say that it is. Because I can stand up at this very minute. And even with a bum hamstring, I can walk. I can run, jump, frolic and dance {although this one is not likely}. I can get my own glass of water. And I can roll myself at night in my bed without assistance from someone else. And I have always been able to do those things. My brother cannot say the same.

So, no. 

Being not married does not make you stronger or your life harder. 

And I won't passively sit by while others' challenges are demeaned. 

And if that offends you.

So.be.it.

That's all.

____

Actually, that is not all. Return tomorrow for more thoughts I have on this quote. That tirade will focus on how demeaning this is to single people and offensive to the people in their lives. 

20 comments:

Mollie Rose Herrey said...

I look forward to reading more of your thoughts :)

Mollie Rose Herrey said...

Also... Moving to a foreign country sounds super familiar ;)

Allison and Josh said...

It boggles my mind that people got offended over your comment. You were just simply stating your opinion and you weren't singling anyone out. Wow. Some people...Your blog posts are my favorite!

The Enslingers said...

I love your blog. And I love that you are "strong" enough to always speak your mind! :) I love that you always try to see every side to a situation. I love you! FYI, when google did away with reader, I stopped reading other blogs, but yours I always check in on! :)

The Suzzzz said...

Amen sister, tell it like it is. Validation should never come at the expense of tearing down or belittling whole groups of people.

Yes it is awesome and hard to be single, and it is awesome and hard to be married, and awesome and hard to be divorced, etc.

It is when people start the pity party and defensive self-absorbtion that I get annoyed. To the people who got offended I say "get over it, if you get offended that easily maybe you shouldn't be online. Real life is challenging and messy, and to make a big deal about something this small is ridiculous. Stop being a victim and start living and enjoying your life."

Stephanie Hyde said...

I love your comments on this. "I get tired of "uplifting" quotes that come in the form of demeaning or belittling others or the challenges they face." amen. thanks.

Rachel Overson said...

You never offend me :) I think you're a pretty wise lady, and I have a particular fondness for your brand of wit :)

Niki said...

Well said, Mindy! I completely agree, everyone has something hard. And I can't handle all of the people who get offended! I've been wanting to write a post about it but I don't even know where to start. You might like this article http://extraordinary-ordinary.net/2012/01/22/your-hard-is-hard/

It's about kids, so while I can't relate directly, I feel like it sums up the message pretty well.
I just love your blog!

Shan said...

Amen!!!

Jamie said...

Your blog always makes me laugh. When ever you write about "offending" someone, I can't help but think they are choosing to be offended.

Burke and Emily Adams said...

Loved this Mindy. Keep stirring that pot! It gets people (*hopefully*) to think more carefully about the things they write/say/post, etc. You're a gem...and just for the record, you are invited to the next Bush Reunion just because you don't think we're cray-cray. :)

Angie said...

Love this and love you!

Meg said...

So I just read the blog that Niki mentioned above and it really goes along well with what you are saying. I've always thought that comparing trials only causes misunderstanding. I truly believe our trials in life are tailor-made to be the things we need to make us stronger.

Toni Lehman said...

Love. Can't wait for tomorrow!

Missy W. said...

Love this post. Most of those stupid facebook "soapbox statements" are either absurd or offensive. Or both.

Debbie said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Debbie said...

(Needed to add more to my previous comment, which is why I deleted it.)

I agree, speaking as a strong person who happens to also be single.

Now, at the risk of offending you, (happily knowing that's highly unlikely,) I'm going to give you a short grammar lesson. Allude = to refer to. Elude = be difficult to locate. Using them in a sentence: "When I mention a certain Mr. Percy Blakeney, I'm alluding to that elusive Scarlet Pimpernel."

Brooklyn McKenna said...

I read the picture before I read the post and I got a little defensive. Then I decided to actually read ;) Holy crap. You are my hero. I really enjoyed this post. I see the same thing happen on facebook ALL THE TIME. People who are fat demean girls who are "Skinny" when in reality some can't really help it. I have a roommate who always gets dissed on because "She can eat anything she wants and not get fat." It's true, but it is said in SUCH a demeaning way. I also see lots of those things about being single or being married. Thank you for saying something. THere comes a time when silence is betrayal. Thanks for standing up.

Krystal said...

I'm wondering who invited the grammar police to the party? Sheesh... So... I am independent... Is that by choice?? Not really... But it's the only option I have as a single woman right now. Sitting around waiting for Prince Charming to come sweep me off my feet isn't really practical, so I've made a life for myself. I went to a wedding dinner by myself tonight. Was it perhaps a little hard? Yes. Will the sealing be hard tomorrow? Probably. But we all have trials, and we all have blessings. There are so many things in life that are worse than not being married. And I am so much more of a person than just a "single"!!

My name is Lydia said...

THANK YOU for calling out those cheesy quotes! You are RIGHT!

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