Trench Coats & Exposure

I ran into a co-worker the other day outside of work and we had a nice little chat.

And by nice little chat, I mean the most ridiculous chat I have ever had in my life.

This co-worker is awesome. He looks like Gaston from Beauty & The Beast. He also dressed up as the Hulk for our Avengers themed Halloween party.

Somehow, we actually got talking about how I am not married.

Gaston is married and has four adorable children. Adorable to the extent that it makes you almost want to abduct them. No lie.

He told me he thinks about me not being married and he is not okay with it.

I asked, "Not okay with me not being married or not okay with you thinking about it?"

It was the prior. 

He wanted to know what I was doing to get married. but before I could even answer he decided it would be best if I married someone with the same interests as me. So, he decided that I should marry a runner.

Then proceeded the following questions:

"Where do you run?"

"What time do you run?"

Annnnd, my favorite ... "While running, what do you wear?"

I laughed so hard at the last question that I cried. Generally, I do not get asked such questions. And by generally, I mean never. And I definitely didn't expect to be asked that from a co-worker, let alone a married man.

Laughter ensued when he said, "Not in a trench coat, right? You don't run in a trench coat, do you?"

He then decide the optimal place for me to run would be on main street ... for the "highest possibility of exposure."

Need I remind you that the exposure we are talking about is ME?

While still laughing I told him how incredibly creepy I would find it if while running a man pulled over to talk to me. 

He clarified. I would have to run on main street at the same time repetitively so that one day the men would muster up enough courage to just "randomly" be running down that street at the same time as me to get to know me, to ask me out, to marry me, blah, blah, blah.

Speaking of the time. He said my "highest exposure time" would be at 5:00 PM {when all the men are driving home from work, obvi}.

I informed him this majorly conflicted with my dinner time, but I could maybe oblige for a week.

"A week!? A week? I am talking five or six months here!"

No.dice.amigo. Too much commitment away from my preferred dinner time.

"What are you willing to sacrifice for a husband?" 

Not.my.dinner.time apparently.

Somehow, my co-worker did manipulate a promise out of me that I would commit to running on main street at 5:00 PM for one week.

So. Friends. If you see me running not in a trench coat on main street at 5:00 PM ... please be kind. I am just trying to be a woman of my word.

And! I hope when you run into your co-workers outside of work that you have as equally ridiculous conversations as I have with mine.

That's all.

I lied. That isn't all. I have more ridiculous conversations to speak of! In fact, I think this will be the week of ridiculous conversations. Come back tomorrow for more. :)


Cammie Smith said...

Haha, that's just awesome. I love that he came up with such a perfect solution for you--I mean, there's no WAY you won't be getting married soon, with this new plan in place! :) Love it.

Missy W. said...

um, he is kind of naive. The only attention I get while running on main street comes in the form of honks and lewd gestures from hicks in trucks with confederate flag bumper stickers. And I do not appreciate it.

Sarah V. said...

This is ridiculously funny!!! :D

Meleah said...

This is literally the best post I've read all day! Thank you. (:

Shan said...

So funny! If you just need a runner, I know one.

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