1.29.2012

By request ...

On occasion I get requests of things to write about.

This is one of those posts.

It is one of those posts that I speak openly about THE thing that is actually most difficult for me to speak about. Yet, this isn't the first time I have spoken of it and it won't be the last. While I don't feel entirely comfortable talking about it {and I know it makes some people uncomfortable to even just read it}, I am comfortable being a voice for people in the same situation I am in. 

THAT is the reason I write things like this, to perhaps be a voice for others who cannot put words to how they feel or what they are going through. It isn't a comprehensive voice for everyone who is chillin' in the same boat as I am. It isn't meant to be. 

It can also serve as perspective for those who will never confront this particular challenge. And maybe by getting this perspective, we are one step closer to us all understanding each other better. 

Do you ever read something someone has written on FB or a blog post, or even heard them speak it and it just sits with you ... wrong? Maybe what they said was thoughtless, maybe it wasn't thoughtless and you were just overly sensitive about that topic?

I know I definitely have been part of the latter. An example of this is when a friend who recently had a newborn babe wrote, "I am so grateful that Heavenly Father has trusted me enough to take care of His precious little children!"

In my {sometimes} sensitive state about not having that blessing in my life I thought, "I guess He must not trust me." And then my thought wandered to if that statement was true, it meant He trusted 14-year-olds who were having illegitimate children ... and still not me! Oy! :)

It is common place to see people complaining about this and that here and there. It sometimes doesn't sit with me well when they are complaining about something I would give absolutely anything to have.

In my dark days, I have to remind myself of the compassion I would like to have and say, "This is a genuine difficulty in their life and that is okay!"

That difficulty might be someone having their husband out of town for a few days. That difficulty might be having to spend the entire day cleaning up one mess after another and defusing one argument after another from their kiddos. It may be the challenges that their pregnancy brings them. {All things I clearly know nothing about! Well, false ... I do know about my husband being gone for prolonged periods of time!}

And they are genuine complaints to have! Just because I may never be able to have a husband or children in this life doesn't mean someone else's life isn't hard because of the unique challenges a husband or babes bring!

But I repeat, on my darkest days, in my too-sensitive state, it can be very hard to see people complain about things that if I had, my joy and gratitude would have no bounds or conclusion!

This morning I was having a jovial conversation with a friend.

In that conversation she said, "I've been meaning to tell you something ...Your comment from a few months ago on my post about loving my job in the middle of the night has really affected me. I bet I've thought about it every day, and thought about the things I say more."

I had a little bit of a panic moment as I honestly could not recall what she was talking about. Annnnd, knowing that sometimes my fingers can be sharper that two-edged sword, I worried I had said something horrifically offensive!

I actually had to go search for what I had said. 

And a few minutes of scrolling down her FB page I found her status, which was posted recently after having her gorgeous newborn babe, "Even in the middle of the night, I love my job!"

I then remember the moment I had when I originally read her words months ago. A moment that I was flooded with gratitude for her gratitude.

In that moment of gratitude, I responded as best as I could with, "I hope this comes out right ... :) You will never know how many women who wish they could be mothers, but for whatever reason cannot be, appreciate statuses like these. Good job, Mama Low!"

In a world of complaints here and there about husbands and babies {which are okay!!}, there are no words to express the gratitude her words brought! A mother, who even in those exhausting hours, knew of the remarkable, breath-taking blessing she has been given - a blessing that some physically ache to have, a blessing that some never will have.

In that moment I felt like she, even if it was unconsciously, knew what the alternative would be {something that I think gets overlooked sometimes in complaints about husbands and babes}. I felt she knew that if she wasn't up in the wee-hours of the morning, it would mean the absence of that blessing, the absence of her dream.

To Mama Low, I don't know if this elaborated in any direction you had anticipated. I don't know if it helped you understand my comment more, but I hope it did. 

Thank you for finding joy in your journey, even in those moments it would be easier not to do. If my dream ever does come true, I hope to be just as grateful as you!

10 comments:

Alex said...

LOVE this post! I'm sure everyone will. Everyone has hard challenges. Mothering can be challenging but you really helped bring things into perspective. I'm going to print this out so I can read it every time my patience is wavering. :) THANK YOU!!

Alex said...

Ok that was really me- Danelle. I forget to log back in! Sorry!

Natalie Willmore said...

Mindy,
I really appreciated this post. My heart ached when I read about your deepest desires.
It was a shift in perspective for me. I hope that I will remember this post and remember to not take things for granted.
You put your feelings to words so beautifully. I wish I could express myself the way you do.
Thanks for sharing. I needed that.

Dan and Laura said...

So very well said woman! Thank you!

Heather said...

Hear, hear!

Missy W. said...

What a lovely post. Dealing with infertility the last few years, it has been tempting to give way to annoyance when I hear women complain about their pregnancy or children. You've made me think about the things I do complain about. And what those things might mean to someone else.

Erica said...

Thank you for writing this. For years Dave has told me that whoever you are complaining to, it's probably the wrong person. Odds are the person you are complaining to has something just as hard or worse going on.

I think you know this, but my own two sisters were single and in their 30's. It was heartbreaking to beat my older sisters to their dream. I think most mothers are very grateful, but it's all too fun to complain. I have been forever changed by your comment and this post. I will be more careful in everything I say. (Which shouldn't be hard, I have a tendency to not think at all before I talk/type)

I just feel so touched by this, and all the other posts where you give voice to things that need to be spoken, but so rarely are. You communicate these in a beautiful manner. And we all become closer as we understand each other better and can be more sensitive about what we say and do.

You are beautiful Mindy!

cole linnae said...

Thank you for this, min!!

DeeAura said...

I remember when she posted that, and it actually brought tears to my eyes. Haha. Her gratitude was refreshing and helped me take a deep breath that day. Lately it seems so much easier to just push that dream aside/to the back of my mind because it keeps not coming, and hey - maybe all those complaints should be listened to. Maybe I should be content NOT having it. (Even though I'm with you on this one...I'd give anything to have it, but for whatever reason, we don't.) I just think the world of Erica, and that one comment just added to the list of how wonderful I think she is. Thanks for writing this, friend. Love you. :)

Shan said...

Thanks so much for this one Mindy. I've vowed to myself for a long time that I would try not to complain about those things because I've been in and am in those boats. Thank you for the reminder.

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