6.28.2011

Thank you, Bachelorette ...

The most shameful thing I think I do in my life is ... watch the Bachelorette.

I don't know why I do it. I actually hate the show.

Annnd, I am totally bored by it. In fact, my roommates and I have discussed alternative things to do while the show is on, like play Twister for example ... or Monkeys on the Ground.

This week I tried to make the show educational, probably a side effect from my Hoarders post. Here are the things I learned from watching this week:

A great place to start is at the start.

Bug bites are sexy {which is great because I became a delicious treat to multiple mosquitoes at my softball game tonight}.

When someone is being completely, entirely 100% truthful, they stutter on their words. A lot.

GIRLS, there are no dot, dot, dots when it comes to guys. Oh, of course they will tell you there are, after all they want all options available. However, if they wanted to be dating you - they would be. It's.just.not.that.complicated.

The technical term for dot, dot, dots are ellipses. Oh, wait. The Bachelorette didn't teach me that and it wouldn't teach anyone that. It's too big of a word so by all means, stick with the dot, dot, dot.

If you like a guy, the best way to show him is by incessantly pressing your own lips together. It is a fantastic flirting technique.

If you get annoyed when the bachelorette also incessantly talks about the scumbag of the earth, Bentley, it isn't as annoying if you get to throw a pillow at your roommate every time she does it.

Speaking of the scumbag of the earth, did anyone else bust into song when she said, "I can see clearly now that Bentley's gone" ... It's gonna be a bright, BRIGHT sunshiny day?

If you are bored by another "downtown date", threaten to spit on your roommates each time it occurs in the future. It adds some flavah to the night.

In all honesty, shouldn't all dates in life be one-on-one???? Really, think about this peeps, would you ever consider going on a one-on-twelve date in real life? Meaning YOU are one of the 12 opposed to being the one?

Which leads us to the fact of if you have to use the term "in real life" isn't that a red flag that something is amiss with what you are currently doing? If it isn't real it must be fakeFake life = fake relationship much?

The bachelorette and I have one thing in common. I think I just gagged a little bit ... It is always fantastic to use as many superlatives as many times as you always can daily. However, it should be noted that hers always refer to dates and mine never do. Mine usually manifest themselves in "Best day of my life!" and "Worst day of my life!" ... Which are both always said at least once every day of my life. And usually within 10 minutes of each other.

If you are going to get smoked in something, you might as well be smoked salmon. It just seems fancier than smoked cheese or smoked beef jerky, no?

Winning dragon trophies apparently help you win roses ... Errr, a woman's heart.

Yes, your relationship with someone is totally and completely unique even though she is dating SEVEN other men. Yup. Yup. Yup.

Can anyone be truly surprised that they have failed at making someone feel "special" when you are dating those seven other men?

Hong Kong is apparently just like the NYC.

See-through shirts {particularly white ones with black underclothing underneath them} are not only classy and must be worn every flippin' day of your life, but they are also whimsical, romantic and play a major role in falling in love. Guuuuessss what I will be wearing to work tomorrow? {Strike that, that makes it sound like I want to be whimsical and romantic at work ... I want to be whimsical and romantic everywhere!}

Nooooo ... Noooo, this show is not just one hour. We.are.not.that.lucky.

And finally, if the Bachelorette has taught me anything last night, it has taught me this: avoid the ugly cry. Avoid the ugly cry at all costs.

And that's all I have to say about that.

11 comments:

Shan said...

Love it, love it, love it. And the best part is I knew what you were talking about. I really need to watch this show with other people. :)

Avree said...

Haha I didn't start watching the bachelorette until last week. I watch the episodes online, last night I got to week 4 but I've heard Bentley returns and I can't wait!

Ruth Emmett said...

I hate that show too. I watched a couple episodes and thought it was so, um, what's the word, WEIRD and awkward!!! Thanks for the laugh!

Dan and Laura said...

It is also a guilty pleasure of mine... Dan hates that I watch it. He thinks it's trashy. And well, it is. Totally trashy to "date" and kiss 7 guys at once. I'm thinking it's going to be PJ and Ben at the end.

B and J said...

Haha! I want to come watch the bachelorette at your house!

Nikki said...

I shamelessly watch that show...have forever. Ashley bugs me. Bentley was hilarious....maybe my favorite part of the show because it was awkward and funny and just plain crazy.
Why do I watch it still? Because there's nothing better to do than feel awkward inside when people make out in elevators.

Kat said...

hong kong is NOT just like NYC. Is there a jungle in the middle of NYC? I think not! I've been to both places. Similarities? Yes. Exactly the same? Nope. HK is way cooler.

DeeAura said...

Agreed. With everything. Only, now I hate you because "I can see clearly now" is NOW stuck in my head. Or maybe I hate your roommate. (Actually, I'm sure she's lovely, I'm just annoyed with the song.) :)

michelle said...

Amen, Amen, and AMEN! It's like you read my mind, Mindy. I suppose this is me admitting that I watch it too. GAH! You tricked me! I'm so ashamed, but glad to hear that you think like I do. I'll be sure to think of you on Monday~

Lil said...

Mindy, so my friend watchs the Bachlorette religiously so I had to show her this post and she said it was the best post ever and she didn't know you could learn so much from the Bachlorette. So she says thank you Ashley and thank you Mindy for pointing it out. :)

Meg said...

Not only have I never watched the show, I don't really have any desire to. And now I don't need to because I've already gotten all the lessons from you. :)

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