Reality TV ...

Over a broad span of time I have informally concluded why I will never be a reality TV star. For one small reason or another, there always seems to be one minor detail why I cannot be on this show or that show. This is not an all-inclusive list of that ... but it gives you a general idea.

America's Next Top Model: I could never be on this show because I don't get giddy excited over stupid things {pink things and things that glitter are not stupid, okay?}. I really think this must be a requirement because everyone on the show does ... Plus, I don't get giddy excited when Tyra Banks walks into a room {technically, I have never been in a room that she walks into ... but I bet my right kidney that I wouldn't}.

The Biggest Loser: I want to be on this show most ... but for self-evident reasons {hopefully they are self-evident} I won't. And that self-evident reason is because: I clearly would win every challenge. Because my muscles have muscles.

Bachelor/Bachelorette: Now, I know what you are thinking ... this must be the show for me. Buuut, I don't drink alcoholic beverages and I wear too many clothes for this show. Oh, and at the end of the show when the chosen man picked me {because, come on ... why wouldn't he?} ... he wouldn't be proposing marriage ... after six weeks, I'd consider potentially be dating him exclusively and holding his hand. But that is as far as it would go. And the "hot tub" scenes would involve me and the man playing the toothpick game {ever played that in a pool? Super fun!}.

The Real Housewives of NJ/DC/LA/Georgia/Wherev: Not a housewife. And if I was ... something is telling me they wouldn't have "The Real Housewives of Logan, Utah." Just a hunch.

Survivor: Again, I wear too much clothing for this show. And as indecisive as I am, I wouldn't know what my "luxury" item would be. I want to say dental floss. Or chocolate milk. Or bug repellent. Or something pink. Or my noise maker for bedtime. And I like to show every day {crasy, I know}. And wash my hands with soap and clean water. Frequently. So, Survivor.is.out.

16 & Pregnant: We cannot turn back time, kids. And if we could, I doubt I would turn it back to meet the qualifications of this show.

America's Got Talent: Unless America want to see a lot of parallel parking or leg wrestling, I don't think I am making it to call backs.

American Idol: Truth be told, it took me like 30 seconds to even remember the name of this show. I can sing two songs ... The China song and the Mexico song {which I have been trying to finish up the lyrics of for the last, oh .. eight years}. So, I suppose I could make it to round two. Right? But after that, I would be plum out of material.

American Gladiator: Hello, 1995. I actually think I could be on this show. But I don't think it runs anymore, so ... another opportunity for reality TV down.the.drain.

Dancing with the Stars: Shocking as this may be ... I am primarily unknown to most of the world's population. Even with my 961 FB friends {and the 200 others I purged not too long ago}.

Project Runway: I have a secret. I can sew. But most of this talent has been spent on making adorable running shorts while I was in high school. Oh, and the Lola doll, of course.

So You Think You Can Dance: Well, actually. No. I don't. We all remember this fiasco from last Halloween, don't we?

Top Chef: My Ramen Noodles have flames. Enough said. {I kinda want to say, "'Nuf, said" right there. Buuut, that was even too much for me.}

Wife Swap: I suppose if my mom was up to it, we could switch her out ... So, while not a main character on the show I could be on it ... and just spend an unusual amount of time at my parents' house while the crew was there to get as much air time as possible.

So, while I know in the back of your minds you all were secretly hoping I would be on TV. I just don't see that happening. I am trying to move forward with this knowledge in my life and I hope you can too.


And, no ... I do not watch all of these shows. However, a show I am going to watch today is on Oprah. No, I don't watch her regularly. However, today: a Von Trapp family reunion from the Sound of Music!! Can't beat that, can you??


Avree said...

I'm feeling kind of dissapointed right now.

Lee and Ashley said...

OH MINDY! I miss our EFY days and being around you all day. You make me so happy. Maybe your reality show will come in the next few years where they drink sprite and wear clothes and dont dance... good luck!

Katie said...

I could see you on a game show...like Family Feud. Does that count as reality TV??

Andrea said...

the level of love i have for this post i can not begin to describe.

Shan said...

Hey don't you know they did start American Gladiator again. It was on last year. I'm not sure what happened to it though.

Lissa Clair said...

my favorite is that almost one of these said "I wear too much clothing." you go girl.

Meg said...

I don't watch TV. I had no idea there were this many reality TV shows. But I imagine that wearing too much clothing would generally keep you off TV these days. Maybe you need to lead a revolution. :)

Our Little Fam said...

THis was very entertaining! I think you could be on Ace of Cakes, (I think that is the one where you make cakes, but actually I am not totally sure!

Kristin said...

I watched that Oprah too!!! With one of my YW who DVR'd it for me since I have no DVR or anything. The Sound of Music peeps were on the Today Show this week too We should check it out on youtube. OR maybe you already watched it. Also, I went to a SOM sing-along the other week and it was a BLAST! We need to talk about it.

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