What I learned in college ...

Kristin suggested I write some of the main things I learned in college ... So, here we go ...

* Text books do not burn ... even when you spray them with an entire bottle of flammable hairspray.

* Pine cones can attack you. Yes, they actually have venom that they can inject into you. P.s. You will not die from this. And your fingers will return to their normal size ... eventually.

* You are more than likely to live by a creeper at any given apartment you live in. If you are lucky, you can live next door to one registered sex offender and one sex addict at the same time ... with a man who wears a trench coat while playing his bagpipes outside ... and his roommate making the complex a red-light district.

* Talking in an English accent with your roommates for over 72 hours straight is not as annoying as it sounds ... It's actually entertaining.

* You can run 75 miles in one week. You can. But don't think you're a big deal, your teammate runs 100.

* When you can hear the boy who lives above you releasing gas through your
ceiling ... Well, that's just too bad. Just be glad you just hear it.

* Having a bonding sleepover with your roommates your last night in the apartment is a cute idea. And if you need to ask your guy neighbors to help you lift the couch over the island, they will know why you are moving it.

* Spandex shorts are really the way to go while running. Really.

* It's always a great idea to make a treasure map and distribute a copy of it to every apartment in your complex. And, if you get one, of course the buried treasure is in the volleyball pit.

* You can get a snowball in your hair while running an eight miler in the middle of winter for track practice.

* Tennis is of the devil.

* You do not need your right leg amputated even after you have suffered three torn ligaments, Achilles tendinitis, shin-splints, plantar fasciitis, IT-band syndrome, and a stress fracture. Although, your college running days will most likely be over. :(

* Pole-vaulting poles can knock out all of your teeth, unless you have braces. And while once all the teeth are spewed all over the track and the field, your coach will yell, "Help find Ian's teeth!" No worries, all will be found.

* Don't be surprised if one of your professors is really just a middle school science teacher whose name is Scott, but prefers to be called Sid ... but signs his emails S.

* Don't be surprised if one of your professors is a registered sex offender and then invites you to check your grades alone in his office ... dun, dun, dun.

* Don't be surprised if one of your professors was caught by the campus police in the sauna with another man that he solicited from Craigslist.

* Poor college students still are very willing to give and donate ... Especially when you leave a grocery bag attached to the bus stop sign requesting chopsticks for under privileged Chinese children.

* Getting window markers and putting all the cars in your apartment complex parking lot for sale is really entertaining ... to most. P.s. Remember to price your own car so people don't know you did it. It is even more entertaining when days later you see the car YOU priced driving somewhere in town.

* Attending some classes is really optional. Hello Abuse and Neglect. I attended the class for times and still got an A.

* Really good roommates only guilt you into going to class when they want to decorate your bedroom for your birthday. All other days are optional.

* If you struggle with math, it's a great idea to have your neighbor be a math tutor so he can come over after Smallville is over every week to review your assignments with you. And if he is a really good math tutor he will give you advice on who you should date. Feel free to replace math with any subject you're not good at.

* A walk/jog class is always a good idea.

* Changing your major four times isn't as problematic as it might sound.

* Making up your own degree is awesome. I would encourage all to do it.

* That my freshman roommate my senior year was named Jess, not Whitney.

* Giving people nicknames always comes in handy.

* The best side of Oakridge to live in the south side. I would know, I basically lived on every direction.

* Having a sleepover in the tent in your backyard is fantastical. You should most definitely have a backyard at all times.

* If you're an Aggie you pay 11 dollah for the Aggie Shuttle every semester regardless if you ride it or not. Just sayin'. P.s. It's always best to live at a complex where you are the first stop of the route. Guaranteed seat fo shizzle.

* You can get three parking tickets for the same infraction {meaning, you park your car during a snow storm and don't see you are out of the lines ... you go away on an athletic trip and by the time you return, there are three tickets on your windshield}.

* If you know more than your professor does, they will ask you not to return to class because you make them feel stupid.

* Who doesn't like to walk around and see tractors during Ag Week? That's right, you love it.

* Plaster yourself with your school's paraphernalia and you will find much joy and happiness.

* There are actually eight speed bumps in the Oakridge parking lot.

* Don't ever for any reason do anything to anyone for any reason ever. No matter what, no matter where, or who, or who you are with, or where you are going, or where you've been... EVER. For any reason whatsoever. What I am trying to say is never, ever under any circumstances for any reason taste-test the gold fish crackers when you are cleaning out the cupboards. They will be stale.

* If your roommates refuse to do the dishes ... Hide all the clean ones.

* There will be times where you will have to make vital decisions ... to save your computer or to save your car. I suggest to save the most expensive one to replace. Unfortunately, I learned that the super hard way.

* When you go to find the man whose car you just ran into, don't be surprised if he is sitting Indian-style on the floor in his tighty-whiteys.

* Igloos are harder to make than you'd assume.

* Going to bed at 3:00am just to wake up at 6:00am is never a good idea. Never.

* Running at 5:00am in the middle of a Logan winter will result in your eye lashes frosting over.

* The Spectrum concord is a fabulous place to run during Logan's red-air days.

* The football team needed my body. I obliged.

* The marching band has no qualms with waking you up at 6:00am every Saturday morning so they can rehearse.

* It's really embarrassing to say, "I LOATHE THE MARCHING BAND!" at an Aggie football game when a parent of one of the marching bandees is sitting in front of you and calls you out on it.

* Be careful sitting in the student section at basketball games. The only time I did, I got pelted in the head by candy canes. Merry Christmas to you too, Big Blue.

* Tom Welling is super attractive.

* Quote walls are always a GREAT idea.

* Just because your male professor's necklace, bracelet, and rings match does not mean he bats for the other team.

* Where the term "the whole nine yards" came from.

* To avoid the library at all costs. I think I went there ... thrice?

* If your professor breaks his clavicle, you don't have to go to class.

* That there is an organ in the Old Main tower.

* How to text. Word to T9.

* Ramen Noodles can be cooked in the microwave.

* Goolosh is never a good idea.

* That the man hole tunnels actually lead you into buildings on campus.

* The real way to become a True Aggie.

* But most importantly, the most important lessons I learned were not in a classroom or even on campus for that matter. They were nothing I read in a text book or anything from a professor's instruction ... they were learned from the relationships I had with others and the experiences I had with them ... Oh, and basically everything I know I learned from Jill.

And ... yeah ... I think that covers is. Did I miss anything? P.s. If you'd like a more detailed account of any the above-mentioned items, please let me know. kthanksbye.

I was going to post again yesterday ... but I didn't. I need to give a shout-out to the one whose legs don't work ... It was his birthday yesterday. He may be 35-stinkin-years-old. He may have lived 31-years longer than the doctors said he would. Word to him. ;)


Andrea said...

i agree word to him!

and awesome list. i think you learned a lot more than i did while i was in college.

Mike said...

Tennis is not of the devil.

Katie said...

I think this list could compete with the sunscreen song :) My favorites of the list: Textbooks do not burn (hehe), talking in an english accent (haha), pricing cars in the parking lot (buwahaha), treasure hunts are very entertaining, minor correction-15 A is the best place to live in Oakridge, & quote walls.. heh!?! Haha! You have come up with an incredible list. I could add: If you have a couch on the top floor of an apartment, and you don't want to carry it down the stairs-you may throw it off the balcony. This is completely acceptable :) Not sure if you remember that one. Also, if you try to burn your textbooks with flammable hairspray, and it JUST won't burn, then go ahead and play mud/sand volleyball instead. It will make you feel better. I could name about 20 more, but I don't want to use all of your comment space :) Thanks Mindy for the good memories!

Toni said...

Love this!!! Don't forget about the value of true aggie chapstick and that the blue A is prettier than the white!

s said...

I forgot about that stupid class we had from "Sid." So glad that you hated going to class! Love running in the spectrum especially when we had to find an open door. Like you lots

Allison and Josh said...

I was laughing my whole way through this post!! Being your roommate or neighbor would have been a blast!

Meg said...

Oh, the cars for sale! That was so much fun! Just beware of cars with very sensitive car alarms that go off when you're working on the car next to it. :)

Did you have to pay all three parking tickets?

Quote walls are great.

I learned that professors don't appreciate it when you have your head down during class (as if you were asleep) and then look up to answer a question and put your head right back down. They say things like, "I wish I could sleep through class and still know the right answers."

Perry, Christi and Logan said...

Ok..I am totally cracking up remembering when you got a snowball in your hair on our 8 mile run..LOL TOO FUNNY

Whit said...

ummm..so i love this list and i'm pretty sure i resided in oakridge one summer when i found a treasure map taped to my door and yes, i followed it, but didn't find anything in the volleyball pit. it was such a disappointing things because, really, how great is it to get an awesome treasure map!
thanks for the memories, as advice!

Krystal said...

how did you get an A in abuse and neglect and only go 4 times? I had 100% attendance and got a B+ - so not cool!!!

Agree with the shuttle thing... it was nice living at oakridge and being first... (except for the times that we kept skipping old farm and then a shuttle would come and NOT stop for us and go straight to old farm... so not cool).

As for a story I want to hear more about, here's the one I'm curious about:

Poor college students still are very willing to give and donate ... Especially when you leave a grocery bag attached to the bus stop sign requesting chopsticks for under privileged Chinese children

I think you about covered everything.... Now I suddenly miss college and Logan more than usual... maybe I should go back to school again!

Kristin said...

Oh college- good times!! *I love USU! And you.

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