3.04.2009

That, my friend, is illegal ...

Alabama
* It is illegal to wear a fake mustache that causes laughter in church.
* Boogers may not be flicked into the wind.
* It is illegal for a driver to be blindfolded while operating a vehicle.

Alaska
* Moose may not be viewed from an airplane.
* It is considered an offense to push a live moose out of a moving airplane.
* While it is legal to shoot bears, waking a sleeping bear for the purpose of taking a photograph is prohibited.
* It is considered an offense to feed alcoholic beverages to a moose. {Evidently, they don't play around when it comes to their Moose in Alaska!}


Arizona
* When being attacked by a criminal or burglar, you may only protect yourself with the same weapon that the other person possess (Bet ya wish you knew where your machete was now, don'tcha?).

* A decree declares that anyone caught stealing soap must wash himself with it until it is all used up.
* An ordinance prohibits the wearing of suspenders {Ah-ha, this answers one of the questions in "OMGosh! I totally heart tags!"}
* It is illegal for men and women over the age of 18 to have less than one missing tooth visible when smiling.


Arkansas
* Flirtation between men and women on the streets of Little Rock may result in a 30-day jail term.


California
* No vehicle without a driver may exceed 60 miles per hour.
* In Chico, CA a $500 fine will be given to anyone who detonates a nuclear device within city limits.
* Baldwin Park: Nobody is allowed to ride a bicycle in a swimming pool.
* In San Fransico, it is illegal to wipe one's car with used underwear. {I actually think this one is a really, really good idea.}


Colorado
* Throwing missiles at cars is illegal. {Really? That's too bad.}

* Couches may not be placed on outside porches. {This is how we eliminate white trash, folks!}


Connecticut
* In order for a pickle to officially be considered a pickle, it must bounce. {And if not, it is a .... ?}


* You aren't allowed to cross a street while walking on your hands.

Delaware
* No person shall change clothes in his or her vehicle. {Really? I do this all the time.}



Florida
* If an elephant is left tied to a parking meter, the parking fee has to be paid just as it would for a vehicle.

* It is illegal to sell your children.
*Men may not be seen publicly in any kind of strapless gown.
*It is considered an offense to shower naked.


Georgia
* No one may carry an ice cream cone in their back pocket if it is Sunday.

* All citizens must own a rake.
* Goldfish may not be given away to entice someone to enter a game of bingo. {That's how every game of Bingo begins for me.}


Hawaii
* Coins are not allowed to be placed in one's ears.



Idaho
* It is unlawful for a man to give his sweetheart a box of candy weighing less than fifty pounds.

* Residents may not fish from a giraffe's back {And you'd get on top of its back ... how?}.
* You may not fish on a camel's back.
* A person may not be seen in public without a smile on their face.


Illinois
* Law forbids eating in a place that is on fire.

* Bowling is forbidden {Thank you!}.


Indiana
* The value of Pi is 3.

* Baths may not be taken between the months of October and March.


Iowa
* A man with a mustache may never kiss a woman in public.

* One-armed piano players must perform for free.
* Within the city limits, a man may not wink at any woman he does not know.


Kansas
* If two trains meet on the same track, neither shall proceed until the other has passed.

* No one may wear a bee in their hat.


Kentucky
* One may not dye a duckling blue and offer it for sale unless more than six are for sale at once.



Louisiana
* It is illegal to rob a bank and then shoot at the bank teller with a water pistol.

* Biting someone with your natural teeth is "simple assault," while biting someone with your false teeth is "aggravated assault.


Maine
* Shotguns are required to be taken to church in the event of a Native American attack.

* After January 14th you will be charged a fine for having your Christmas decorations still up. {THANK YOU, MAINE!}


Maryland
* It's illegal to take a lion to the movies.



Massachusetts
* Snoring is prohibited unless all bedroom windows are closed and securely locked.



Michigan
* It is illegal for a man to scowl at his wife on Sunday.



Minnesota
* A person may not cross state lines with a duck atop his head.

* Citizens may not enter Wisconsin with a chicken on their head.


Mississippi
* It is illegal to teach others what polygamy is.



Missouri
* Installation of bathtubs with four legs resembling animal paws is prohibited.

* In Purdy, dancing is strictly prohibited. {Mike will understand why I think this is the best thing EVER!}


Montana
* Worrying squirrels will not be tolerated.



Nebraska
* It is illegal for bar owners to sell beer unless they are simultaneously brewing a kettle of soup.



Nevada
* In Elko, everyone walking the streets is required to wear a mask.

* In Reno, it is illegal to lie down on the sidewalk. {Naturally, I will be doing this when I go there next week}.


New Hampshire
* You cannot sell the clothes you are wearing to pay off a gambling debt.



New Jersey
* It is illegal to wear a bullet-proof vest while committing a murder.

* You may not slurp your soup.


New Mexico
* Idiots may not vote {This is extremely unfortunate for the NMSU men's basketball team}.



New York
* Citizens may not greet each other by "putting one's thumb to the nose and wiggling the fingers".

* The penalty for jumping off a building is death {Exactly}.
* New Yorkers cannot dissolve a marriage for irreconcilable differences, unless they both agree to it.


North Carolina
* It's against the law to sing off key.

* Bingo games may not last over five hours unless it is held at a fair.


North Dakota
* It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep with your shoes on. {Daniel James!}



Ohio
* Breast feeding is not allowed in public. {I support this!!! Just ask me about my USU basketball game experiences! Ugh! Got milk?}


Oklahoma {where the wind comes ... somethin', somethin' ... This is me, singing off-key, but that's okay because I am not in Illinois!}
* Tissues are not to be found in the back of one’s car. {Another good one!}
* Until 2006 it was illegal to have a tattoo.


Oregon
* A door on a car may not be left open longer than is necessary.

* Ice cream may not be eaten on Sundays. {Never, never moving there!}


Pennsylvania
* It is illegal to have over 16 women live in a house together because that constitutes a brothel. {I believe this is an excellent idea!}

* It it illegal to sleep on top of a refrigerator outdoors.
* You may not sing in the bathtub.


Rhode Island
* No one may bite off another's leg. {But arms are okay?}

* One must make a loud noise before passing a car on the left {This actually could be fun}.


South Carolina
* By law, if a man promises to marry an unmarried woman, the marriage must take place. {Hmm ... this should be nationwide. And curse you Jason Mesnick!!}

* It is a capital offense to inadvertently kill someone while attempting suicide. {Oh, okay. What?}


South Dakota
* If there are more than five Native Americans on your property you may shoot them.

* It is illegal to lie down and fall asleep in a cheese factory.


Tennessee
* No Christian parent may require their children to pick up trash from the highway on Easter day. {How dare they even consider it?}

* It is legal to gather and consume roadkill.
* It is illegal for a woman to call a man for a date. {Good for Tennessee!}


Texxxxxxxxxas!
* It is illegal to sell one's eye.

* A program has been created in the state that attempts to control the weather. {Anyone else find it ironic that Texas would be the state that thinks they can control the weather?}
* A recently passed anti-crime law requires criminals to give their victims 24 hours notice, either orally or in writing, and to explain the nature of the crime to be committed. {Forsurely one of my favorites.}
* It is illegal for one to shoot a buffalo from the second story of a hotel.

Utah
* It is illegal not to drink milk. {As it should be! I drink three gallons a week. Seriously.}

* It is considered an offense to hunt whales. {Yes, in UTAH.}
* In Logan, women may not swear.
* In Provo, throwing a snowball can result in a $50 fine.


Vermont
* Women must obtain written permission from their husbands to wear false teeth.



Virginia
* Children are not to go trick-or-treating on Halloween. {Worst state ever!}

* It is illegal to tickle women.


Washington
* All lollipops are banned.

* It is illegal to pretend that one’s parents are rich.
* It is illegal to display a hypnotized or allegedly hypnotized person in a store window.


West Virginia
* Any person who commits adultery shall be fined at least twenty dollars.

* No member of the clergy is allowed to tell jokes or humorous stories from the pulpit during a church service. {This actually could be a good thing, especially considering the joke I heard in Sacrament last week!}

Wisconsin {They have serious issues with butter!}
* As people used to smuggle it in from Illinois, all yellow butter substitute is banned.
* At one time, margarine was illegal.
* Margarine may not be substituted for butter in restaurants unless it is requested by the customer.


Wyoming
* All new buildings that cost over $100,000 to build must have %1 of funds spent on art work for the building.

* You may not take a picture of a rabbit from January to April without an official permit.


If you read through all of this, five gold stars for you. Word.

14 comments:

Mike said...

Let's hope they never have any sessions of EFY in Arkansas. All the Counselors would be in jail by Monday afternoon.
You won't be moving to Purdy, Missouri anytime soon, will you?
Finally, I'm totally loving the West Virginia pulpit rule, and I have a few amendments to that one myself.
My total should be 93. :)

Meg said...

First of all, I read through them all and was quite entertained.
Second: having lived in Alaska, there is good reason not to mess with moose. However, I believe it should go unstated that you would not push one out of a moving airplane or feed one alcoholic beverages.
Third: what is with the fishing laws in Idaho? How many giraffes and camels do they have wandering around fishing holes?
Fourth: why are Minnesotans obsessed with fowl headwear?
Fifth: I now really want to go around greeting people by putting my thumb to my nose and wiggling my fingers.
Sixth: while I don't believe there should be a complete ban on breastfeeding in public, it should be done only when necessary and with extreme discretion.
Seventh: I, too, love that Texas tells criminals they have to give advance notice. I wonder how well this is working?
Eighth: my girls drink as much milk as you do.
Ninth: my husband would never be able to write a whole talk if he wasn't allowed to use jokes (don't worry, he makes sure they're clean).
and Tenth: I now understand why there is so much random "artwork" around this state I live in. I had no idea it was law, I thought it was just weird.
Hope you don't mind a long comment. :)

Chelsea said...

Woop Woop....I got 5 gold stars!

Allred Mom said...

5 Golden Stars for me! Actually 6! (Peanut M&M's, to!) I had to do the reading in two sessions! It almost made me late for work this morning....but, I was quite entertained with it all! WORD! lol

P.S. Oh...and how do you get a .5 star?????

The life of a college girl said...

I read it all and laughed the whole time!!! Totally like you to post something so random but I loved it! Five stars for me!!! :D Hooray!

Alison said...

I read them all and I have one question.... Are all these laws still in effect today? Cause that would be awesome...

Toni said...

I not only read them all, but I've read them all before, adn I read them again now because I get such a kick out of them :) Since I'm not in UT anymore and I admittedly broke rule #3, does that make me a fugitive on the run?

DeeAura said...

Gimmee my five stars!!! I never remember to tell you I need them. I'll start small. Props to you for the funnies. :) I'm glad to know I'm such a rebel...all this time of provo snowball-throwing and no fine yet! hahah. Kidding. I would never.

Adam R. said...

I think, because I'm a New Zealander, I'm very confused. Some were funny, I guess. But did you come up with these?

Ah hem...5 gold stars too.

Mindy said...

I did not come up with these, Adam, love. :) They are actual laws in those states. :)

Tim and Clarissa said...

I don't think the weird laws in New Mexico are bad. I think the things that aren't against the law in New Meico are bad. i.e. drunk driving, turning into either lane when turning onto a street, and apperently speed limits are optional. What a great state I live in.

Oh yeah, so it seems you are in my neck of the woods now and again (Albuquerque) and you don't look me up? Cold! :)
Clarissa

Linze Kate said...

Now, I lived in PA for seven years... I broke that bathtub law every day. Dang it. Virginia... I broke the Halloween law and every boy in my HS band broke the tickling one ten times a day. Utah... I drink SOY Milk... Does that count?

The list could go on and on for each place I have lived... These are classic! Haha... :)

Krystal said...

5 stars! YAY! It only took me like a WEEK! I got half way through on Wednesday before class started and just remembered to finish!

Next time I want to be really bad, I think I might go whale hunting with snowballs in Provo... double law-breaker! I walk on the wild side!

Kaylinn said...

I don't mind that you read and comment on my blog. And I must say, I printed this out and put it on the walls in my classroom. Who knows if its true or not, but its dang funny. Nice to "meet" you Mindy

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